too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
