I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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