i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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