making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
