No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she looked like the before picture.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
