you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
