i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need water and some morals
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
