If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
