We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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