Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
