but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
