i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
