I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
