So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
