Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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