Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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