I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
