I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
