She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
