Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
