Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
