So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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