this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
