the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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