I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
