im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
