Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She needs sedatives and a leash
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
