I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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