I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Panties = found
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
