i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
