i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
