There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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