Already got asked if we're dating
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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