I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
