I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
