Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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