I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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