I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
