I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can you bring me the toilet please
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
