he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
