My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
