This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
