Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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