just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
