The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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