you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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