I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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