Do you still have your period?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
