Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
