I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
