I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
