i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
