she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
